Expressions of Doubt
January 2016 - May 2016

(Statement of intent, updated February 2017). Expressions of Doubt functions in conjunction with other artists or clients, emphasizing a self-reflexive practice geared towards developing an understanding of the designer / client relationship. Through a rigorous immersion within collaborative settings, Expressions of Doubt seeks to create nuanced working spaces (both public and private).

The following material is an aggregate of visual / text collateral generated during the studios development. Projects are presented in reverse chronological order, subdivided into 4 sections by collaborator. Each section is organized to reflect some semblence of a linear process. Remnants of the studios initial brand have been left intact for archival purposes.

Project Archive

4. Untitled (Group Show)

w/ Michael Auer

w/ May Kim

w/ Connor Muething

1.writing: temporary_developments

Graphic design, as it is currently practiced, operates under the false notion of optimization which has been historically informed by systems of capitalism which correlate longevity with profit. Systems requiring some form of commercial sustainability bring with them an inherent necessity to operate within this constraint regardless of their intent. I find it hard to articulate myself clearly on this issue, given that:

1. I’m (was at the time of writing) still operating from within the safety of academia
2. This notion is regularly discounted as “idealism”

I don’t mean to bring up economics as if it is the focus of my practice, only to provide context, given the ease through which it is possible to abstract a rudimentary understanding of systems theory for the purposes of where my work may be heading.

Expressions of Doubt operates as a dichotomy, through which I can access both a certain level of self-hate or / maybe masochism, as it relates to various working methods, as well as a simplified thesis containing an allusion to the projects end goal: *Potentially* to confront a medium that I have chosen to persue a certain level of intimacy w/, given the failures which have been predetermined since its conception.


3. DESM (The Dream of every Straight Man)

w/ Bailey Sheehan



3.clever-claver, a_presentation_hosted_by-MICA_Design_League


2.writing: on-the-relationship-between-narrative-time_space-and-physical-existence

a. Alternate Realities : interactive walkthrough space
b. 2 Dimensional plane : constructed setting, a window
c. 2 Dimensional composites
d. 3 Dimensional environment : physical access to maquette : topology
e. text

a. plot
b-d. setting / characters
e. action

Thoughts on constructing narrative based user experiences:

For an experience to be memorable there needs to be a change over time: the definition of plot. However before plot can run its course, it must be given a physical context (place and time): the definition of setting. Perhaps the characters which perform actions, will be developed through external means, i.e. separated physically from plot. Actions only exist in service of plot. Plot provides a necessity to justify the users completion of a “story.”

A more active participant poses an interesting problem especially when they are not familiar with the medium(s) that they are presented with (in this case a multi-media installation).

An example of the opposite:
Stories presented in a traditional book format give readers an expectation that the object they are interfacing w/ has a definite beginning, middle, and end (referring to the object, not necessarily the story it contains). It also inherently suggests that it should be read in a particular order given how english (or any other language) functions (you are reading this left to right).

A break from standardized symbolic systems, or, Pretending that the visual arts and writing are the exact same thing (b, c):

I have never figured out how to read a painting, especially when dealing w/ abstraction. after spending a little more time in museums/galleries after coming to college I started to develop the habit of trying to see how far back into the piece I could go. To me the upper, lower, and peripheral boundaries were inherently defined by the edge of the canvas, so the only thing left to establish was it’s implied depth. The “surface” on which the paint sits is fairly easy to understand given its physicality. After establishing a solid working space which I can explore virtually (through a reconstruction in my mind, because, I do think when we are exploring artificial spaces, it is not a relationship with the physical piece that we are entering, but instead the potential for physical interaction that we are forced to construct and experience in relation to time, i.e. a painting is static, we are not.) the question remains, for “for what purpose,” or maybe, what is the plot.

“for what purpose”:

When talking about my work I’d like to say that I have always been a painter. I like that this sounds as ridiculous as it makes me feel:
It makes me feel similar to when my friends want to take a picture with me, and I would like to have documentation of my life, specifically in this particular period of time, but I am also slightly embarrassed because I want to look good/don’t want to look like I’m trying to hard, and also simultaneously think that it is ridiculous that I should feel this way. As a result a good portion of my photos have me smiling while moving my face away from the camera, but my shoulders still square to the frame, because secretly I feel as if this is where I belong, but perhaps want someone to tell me its ok that I’m there.

Content for me is very difficult. I would like to believe in ideals such as form follows function. Or more specific to this discussion, form in the service of content. Which, given this discussion, might be better written as form in the service of _______TBD_______ . This absence, or deferral, in my mind, has a one to one relationship to my lack of experience, i.e. I have been taught everything I know as opposed to, I have learned everything I know. I only make such a harsh distinction between the two because of the pressure/urgency that I feel to answer this question. I feel like investing myself into a lived experience will solve all my problems i.e my exit from academia, will immediately give me some type of global perspective to rationalize my work through, or maybe, the grass is always greener on the other side, meaning, I can differ any/all responsibility i have to be socially conscious within my work until after I start working, and then find another excuse when I get there.

2. Untitled

w/ Nisan Yildirim

1.writing: collaboration_parameters

1. Ask a question e.g. how can I be of service to you?
2. Listen.
3. Respond (The response should have the ability to be archived digitally/physically).
4. Ask a question, don’t try to explain yourself e.g. how do you feel about what I have created in part 3 of this process?
5.Repeat steps 2-4 as necessary.
6. Archive results for later synthesis.





1.writing: cupids-bow, by_Nisan_Yildirim

he went out to start the day with his glorious morning neighborhood hello walk.

he would salute the trees and the cats in silence, gather a couple of twigs to put in his pocket and breath in then out gently adjusting his pace to the wave of trees.

Everything is so beautiful in the morning it's intoxicating. With every petal and bowed branch and low arched leaf tree, he would hold the magnolia seedlings in his palms and stroke the popping seeds,

it would be just wonderful if a cat would brush to his leg, especially when it's a pure black jaguar one that would be enough to make his day.

Rituals, he thought, they were very important. they Connect you to time and space, your inner self and your need of order and meaning.

Gather sage, find a ceramic bowl, burn the sage in it, walk around the house trace with smoke and cleanse with earth smell. 

In steps, has a purpose, soothing.  placement of rhythm in order, in control so,  predictable like rocking cradle.

like walking in laps with steady speed  make your mind go numb cause everything already follows one another in a scheme that makes sense so why should I think if its repetitive.



1.writing: ashram-diary, by_Nisan_Yildirim

I saw her black leather shoes next to your bed and while you were asleep, with a rush of jealousy I leaked to your bookcase and stroked the spines of your twelve books. 

You woke up shortly after and asked what I was doing there, midday in ashram while everyone decompressed I was wide awake. 

I saw the video you made  of a blue butterfly at dusk and cats embracing each other and your mother's feet. It was beautiful. 

The other day while you were climbing to the stacked stones in the ancient sanctuary, I looked at you with great gratitude, you were present just like the hanging bones behind you, you were there. Arabella brought me three lucid crystals that she found,  "I will make a necklace and a pair of earrings." 

Soon the rhythm of the drums started and everyone gathered in a circle to dance, accumulating mud with each move. I wanted to show you how well I could bend my limbs from my center of gravity but you were not there. 
I knew then that solitude was what you seek, but then why was Tristesse's shoes placed gently next to you, was she there with you?   As I write now you're back to sleep, groundbreaking young man, hide your glimmering eyes well for they may see what you behold and try to capture it in nets.



1.writing: heroine, by_Nisan_Yildirim

concrete is trying to win over, she likes the tension. when she saw how many trees they killed, she got into her car to face the murderers. she stole the cut down trees, got on top of a hill and stuck them back into the ground like spikes and took a picture with the bald hills behind.



1.writing: nues-vision, by_Nisan_Yildirim

it was as if her sound was muffled by freshly picked cotton she wanted to scream and let everyone know how it rhymes perfectly meaning twisted unravels rhythmically comes in twos and threes.

hallucinating with the rising sun, she believed that they were all going to unite on a hill top and re-meet their families. my mother is not my mother it's someone else, and this lady whom I thought was a friend is my aunt and my father sings and unlocks everything within me my mother controls my expressions my father lets me be

sitting by the dying fire,at the end of the night ashes were at their softest state I long to be held, cradled by the mothers of earth, be fed by them - and I did. she thought they were feeding her the seeds of the white rabbit

hence with the new rising sun of great god placebo, she began talking to bugs because they mattered just as much.  


1. Some Uncertainty is Ok

w/ Sun Wang

1.writing: collaboration_parameters

RULE SET 1 (abridged)
1. 1 text message sent a week in advance to confirm collab.
2. Confirming location of physical studio / documenting our working space.
3. One interview/discussion will be conducted. We will record the first hour: any discussion occurring after the hour will be left undocumented.
4. First week is ideally a means for setting up a working practice i.e. choosing mediums/tools, picking a faculty advisor to consult for any technical or conceptual questions.
5. The following five days would used for assembling all of the content generated and beginning to analyze/respond to it. At this point we would start thinking about how it should be digitally documented.
6. One week of isolation, this is both to allow for contemplation and to catchup on any work that doesn’t get finished during the previous to weeks/give me some buffer room.

2.writing: initial_thoughts

From wikipedia: A portrait is a painting or other artistic representation of a person, in which the face and its expression is predominant. The intent is to display the likeness, personality, and even the mood of the person. For this reason, in photography a portrait is generally not a snapshot, but a composed image of a person in a still position. A portrait often shows a person looking directly at the painter or photographer, in order to most successfully engage the subject with the viewer,

or / maybe a portrait is a digital response to a person in which their face ( google definition: the surface of a thing [in this case a collaborators practice], especially one that is presented to the viewer with a particular function in mind). The intent is to display "personality". A portrait in this scenario, is an exercise in personal expulsion as opposed to representation, it becomes a clarification of expectation.

But, in my mind I couldn’t seem to be able to figure out where I was heading, and perhaps my goal was to impose this burden, externally, onto you.

Production in certain volumes is meant to be a safety net for an absent participant.

Maximalism has always been an excuse.









7.writing: closing_thoughts

Drawing might be a:
Structure for communication, (perhaps it is inherent to language / embedded in language).
or / maybe
Tool in the construction of symbols operating on the periphery of / in contrast to the function of typography
or / maybe
Byproduct of the availability of material at any given time

I d e a l s
Archive, reflexive practice, a game of tennis, pingpong, etc. Existing inside and outside of time, maybe better described as existing in ignorance / or with great reverence of.

I’m going to die someday.
I’m going to die someday.
I’m going to to be dead, and,
I will lose my consciousness and consequently all aformentioned thought.

Semiotics, an understanding of a purely symbolic space, symbols being the only purely democratic method of communication.

M e t h o d s
The pursuit of accessibility, or / maybe , The Myth of Sisyphus

Acknowledgment of where when and how I am working, what concerns me, besides ^^ of course, death or semiotics.

P r o b l e m s
I’m going to die someday.
I’m going to die someday.
I’m going to to be dead, and,
I will lose my consciousness and consequently all aformentioned thought(s).